My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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