if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
