I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
