Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she woke up with a sticky ear
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
