My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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