i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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