I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
