I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
