Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Farmville is her only friend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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