The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
