My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
