My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She even gives head with a lisp.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
