I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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