Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
