just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
