there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
