I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
