she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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