apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
