"it" just moved
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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