5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
