Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
