I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
