She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
