dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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