I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
