After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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