I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
