Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
