the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
