we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
