The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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