I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
