I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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