Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
