Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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