I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
