I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
