Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
