did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
