Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She announced her abortion via fbk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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