I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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