i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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