i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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