There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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