there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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