Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
