last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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