ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
