Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
