You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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