i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have demons in me.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
