I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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