At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
