I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize