The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
