I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I stole a fireplace last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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