Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
