thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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