How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
