i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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