dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
