Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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