I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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