I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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