I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
