Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
