being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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