ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
