I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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