Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
