the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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